LIKE MOST IDIOTS

I was speaking to my girlfriend (shut up) over the phone at the start of the year. She was in Lima, completing a tropical medicine...

Tell me, what are your favourite crisps? As I have given this considerable thought The sort of deep, romantic thought that poets like to...

Decreasingly Successful Conversations: The next couple bits. Two short stories about the local culture here in Aotearoa. Mongolian Dave...

For Crago x Decreasingly Successful Conversations: The first bit. The week I moved to Wellington, the only Kiwi I actually knew was...

The doctor asked if I was suicidal "No, no. Nothing like that. I just think about it all the time." He looked up from his tick sheet and...

"Double double double, Sol Campbell has won the double. And the scum from the lane, 'ave won fuck all again. Sol..." "JAKE!" My teacher...

I have a good enough relationship with my mother that I thought it would be a good idea but a healthy enough relationship that it wasn't....

Time to get my shit together, I'm moving country again. Changing continents is the only time all my shits accounted for, and not...

I love my dear Nana but when she asked a 19 year old me to go on a "holiday", with her, to meet her elderly cousins, to a small town...

What do you think of when you hear the name Woolworths? Maybe it's playing an innocent game of 'Who can hide the most non-pick n mix...

I always assumed every school had a prison where they locked up the naughty children. The fuck else do you do with them? Apparently it...

Growing up my older brother had a picture of David Rocastle on his bedroom wall. Torn out a magazine & pinned proudly with Blu Tack. By...

My 75 year old great aunt was dropping me off to a job interview an hour outside Toronto one fine spring morning. It was for an...

I walk up the stairs to Wonderland. As soon as I show my face in the hostel common area I hear the usual cry of "Jakeeee". Only this time...

The year was 2019 and me and my more grammatically correct friends were in Amsterdam. Eager for some culture we smoked a bat and headed...

Binmanasaurus Binmanasaurus Binmanasaurus Binmanasaurus Binmanasaurus I was a Junior Gunner from the age of eight right up to 19. I have...

Jan 10th. I'm all for nepotism, it's just a shame my parents have fuck all to offer. I have an abandonment issue - How do I abandon my...

I've bought a one way ticket to Bangkok. And no, I am not going on my own. What sort of loser do you take me for? I'm going with my mum....

I had no idea Toronto legalised weed right before I moved there, it was just one of those happy miracles. Like when your dog shits right...

I had this mad dream that I once pulled the fire alarm in the Eaglet pub on Seven Sisters Road during the 2015 FA cup final. Then last...